The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
