Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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