You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
