Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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