my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
