Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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