the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
