ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
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I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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