Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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