i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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