come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
