I should be sponsored by Trojan
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
