They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
