the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
