you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
