I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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