i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
