So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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