sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
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Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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