he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What a dumb baby whore.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I could fuck to npr.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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