My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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