i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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