I will die if light touches me.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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