Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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