i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
