So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
