My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Your cock deserves a montage
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
