Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
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I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
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We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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