So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
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Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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