I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
