I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
