I faked an abortion last night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
