girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
