I feel great
I just peed on a car
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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