Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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