dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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