Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
