I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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