im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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