I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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