I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
