We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you had me at cake vodka
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
