The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The ass gains better be worth it
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