If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
