I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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