Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
