im drinking this country out of the recession.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
