Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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