I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
