I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
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my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
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Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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