OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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