You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
