If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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