Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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