East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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