never play flip cup with pint glasses
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
