ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
