I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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