it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
