I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
wow bdsm is so cute
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
