I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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