i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
