be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize