I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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